My friend Micah

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the Lord's wrath,
until he pleads my case and establishes my right.
He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness.
Then my enemy will see it and will be covered in shame,
she who said to me, "Where is the Lord your God?"
My eyes will see her downfall; even now she will be trampled underfoot like mire in the streets."


So these things usually tend to be somewhat instructive, or (hopefully) encouraging. This one gets a little personal, but I'm okay with that, because... well... it's my blog, and I can do what I want with it.

I've been on night shifts now for about 3 months - reeeeeally can't stand it. Of just about any frustrating circumstance or situation I've had in my life, this is quite possibly my least favorite. I live in such an extended state of exhaustion that I sometimes feel like I don't even know myself anymore. The rub of it is, this may be an act of God to help me understand some things better (whether or not it was his doing, the situation certainly arose out of my disobedience to his precepts). Or it may simply be the situation I find myself in.
Regardless, whether it was by his plan or simply my own stupidity, the way out doesn't lie in my own scheming and manipulations. I will put my trust in the Lord my God, because he carries titles (born from his actions) like Redeemer, Savior, Shelter, Provider, Protector, Advocate, Warrior, Healer. And he is infinitely more capable of seeing after both my needs and desires than I am.

Occupy

During my junior high years, I had a white tape case which held 12 cassettes. It's content was a little unorthodox; all 12 spots were filled with tapes by either Petra or Weird Al Yankovic. I'm not going to try to explain my Weird Al fixation here, but I do want to talk about Petra a bit. While their heyday is certainly a thing of the past and I rarely listen to those old albums anymore, there is no band ever that has had a greater impact on my life.

Petra had a few recurring themes weaving through their music over the years. One of the most prominent of these was spiritual warfare. It seemed that every album had at least one album talking about the devil and our ongoing struggle against him, culminating in This Means War, a glorious arena rock song dedicated to the notion that, although the struggle continues, "the Victor is sure and the victory secure." The war is won. Jesus Christ has achieved his success. But the next line went on to say, "But 'til judgment we all must endure. This means war."

In my younger days, my Christian walk was marked by the knowledge that I was at war. I had an enemy, I knew his name, and I was aware of his tactics. In recent months, I have become numb to this. I have rested in the assurance that the war is won, and ignored the fact that the battles still wages. In The Usual Suspects (one of the most well-written movies of all time), Roger "Verbal" Kint muses that "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." I let him do that. I stood and took punches like the invisible man was in the room.

Tonight at dinner a friend of mine kicked me in the tuchas and reminded me that I needed to fight. So here I go. I've started before and stopped, but it's time to start again. The only time I get knocked down that really matters is the time I don't get back up. So Satan, go on and bring it. Just be warned that I'm not fighting alone.